👀 The pre-season cheat sheet 🤫

The stuff you should know:

🤕 Gabriel Jesus, Bryan Mbeumo (should be fine) and Christopher Nkunku injured.

🥲 But Darwin Nunez is left out of the latest Liverpool lineup.

👀 Havertz starts up top for Arsenal in the Community Shield

🤝 Rasmus Hojlund signs for Man United.

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Keep reading for a Jesus replacement nobody is talking about.

Alright?

It’s the last of our Sunday pre-season congregations, where devotees diligently assembled to hear news of their biblical heroes.

Will Jesus resurrect in time for Gameweek 1? Is Kane really Able to produce the returns he managed last season?

But we’re finishing with a bang. Just like my gunt after a roast dinner, this one’s a little larger than usual.

Let there be shite.

Some perspective

In case you’re new around here, just remember: it’s important to treat pre-season like you’d treat a good gravy: don’t put too much stock in it.

Insights can be derived from friendlies, but all must be taken with a generous pinch of perspective. Last season everyone thought Pedro Neto and Demarai Gray were must-haves ahead of Gameweek 1.

The pre-Gameweek 1 analysis you read, view or listen to over the course of the next 5 days will be similarly full of red-herrings.

First and foremost, we’ll try to be as objective as we can so that you come away with insight to inform your own decision making, rather than a set of deluded pre-formed opinions.

The pre-season performers

This is a great graphic from FPLFocal, who has conveniently compiled a list of the best performing Premier League players this pre-season.

Let’s look at this a little closer.

There are two £4.5m midfielders in there:

• Newcastle’s Elliot Anderson, who - remarkably - is top.

• Jaden Philogene, who plays for Villa.

There’s also a £4.5m forward, West Ham’s Divin Mubama.

In fact, with the exception of Erling Haaland and Mohamed Salah, every player in there is priced at £8.5m or less, adding credence to the idea that the mid-priced category this year is likely to be where the real value is.

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The teams that have performed well

Chelsea, Fulham, Luton, Newcastle and Wolves are the only undefeated Premier League clubs this pre-season, though there are big differences in the opposition they’ve faced.

Arsenal have faced teams like Barcelona and Man City. Man United lost to a strong Real Madrid squad.

Luton, meanwhile, have entertained Peterborough, Ipswich, Sheffield Wednesday and Wolves.

The key takeaway for us is that Chelsea, for all of their emphatic disappointment last season, have started well under Pochettino. Whether this form can carry over into the Premier League remains to be seen, but Liverpool provide a stern litmus test.

Star signings

Regular readers will know that we’re fierce advocates of playing boring if you want to mix it with the best and most consistent managers in the world.

It’s a dogma that encompasses plenty of commandments: one of which is an avoidance of new signings until it’s clear how they’ll settle in.

Still, there are exceptions. The little-known Erling Haaland bedded in quite nicely to life in the Premier League, and there’s every chance some of this year’s new signings will do the same.

Here’s are the five most exciting summer signings from an FPL perspective:

5) Kai Havertz to Arsenal | £7.5m | MID

It’s odd getting excited about Kai Havertz, particularly after his disappointing performances last season.

And yet, with Gabriel Jesus’ recent injury (more on this shortly), there’s every chance Havertz will see plenty of involvement in the early stages of the season. The fact he started up top in the Community Shield is as good an indicator as any.

Talent has never been a problem for Kai, it’s always been about consistency. Can he find it at Arsenal?

4) Jordan Beyer to Burnley | £4.0m | DEF

Burnley’s new signing is a bit of a loophole, in that he’s already played a season for the newly promoted side as a loanee.

Still, his move has just become permanent, and a goal in their last friendly consolidates his status as one of the best £4.0m defensive prospects.

3) James Maddison to Spurs | £7.5m | MID

A known and (sometimes) loved FPL asset, Maddison’s FPL credentials are often criminally overlooked.

The Englishman has registered 20+ attacking returns in his last two seasons at Leicester, which is particularly impressive when you consider that they were relegated last season.

If he picks up where he left off, £7.5m could well be a bargain

2) Andre Onana to Man United | £5.0m | GK

You say Onana, I say keep a close eye on United’s new signing between the sticks.

This little gem from @BakerFPL343 bodes well for the goalkeeper:

Not everyone is sold on Onana and, until we can gather a reliable sample size of data, neither are we. Still, he’s the cheapest way in to one of last season’s best Premier League defences.

Let’s call the whole thing on.

1) Christopher Nkunku to Chelsea | £7.5m | FWD

Chelsea’s new forward is injured at the moment (more on that shortly), but has shown plenty of promise in the short time he’s been at the London club.

Three goals in pre-season is impressive, but even more so when you consider that he’s a Chelsea forward. It’s the equivalent of about 11 goals at any other club.

The challenge with new signings is usually ascertaining whether or not their talents are studious enough on DuoLingo to be able to translate to the ‘English game’ (whatever that is). Though it’s early, Nkunku seems to pass the test.

(A shoutout to Nicolas Jackson, who, with 2 goals and 3 assists in preseason, deserves his chance too.)

Extra extra-time

The FA have introduced a new rule to stop time-wasting, which means referees will now be adding “World Cup style” time to matches to more accurately compensate for time lost.

This weekend’s Championship games were the first proper test, and some games had as many as 19 added minutes. Blimey.

What does it mean for FPL players?

Well, players that tend to play a full match might actually play a significantly larger number of minutes this season than they did last season. That could work in their favour, of course, but could also make the demands of a congested Premier League schedule all the more taxing on their fitness and performances.

Longer games tend to mean more goals too, which doesn’t bode well for defenders.

But before we start booking the Monday off work to ensure we catch the whole of next Sunday’s Chelsea vs Liverpool game, it’s worth remembering that a similar discussion arose in the wake of VAR’s introduction.

The result? Significant added time was a factor for about three gameweeks, before the referees suddenly forgot all about it.

The Injury Room

It’s another instalment of the Injury Room, and you know what that means, folks: a spike in FPL-relevant injuries.

Who’s groaning on the treatment bed over there?

That’s Gabriel Jesus, bless him. He’s got an issue with his knee and is set to miss the opening weeks of the season with it. Keep scrolling for an alternative nobody is talking about.

It ain’t Christopher Nkunku, that’s for sure.

Not to be outdone by Jesus, Chelsea’s new forward has also gone and injured his knee. Whilst he’s likely to miss out on Gameweek 1, he hasn’t been officially ruled out just yet either. All ears on Poch’s presser.

And as if that weren’t bad enough, everyone’s favourite £6.5m midfielder, Bryan Mbeumo, was forced off in Brentford’s final pre-season friendly yesterday. The good news? Thomas Frank expects him to be fit for Gameweek 1.

Get well soon, lads.

A £7.5m forward you haven’t thought of

The Professor has been arse-deep in the river of research this week, panning for golden nuggets.

And when the Prof goes panning, he usually comes back looking like Mr T.

In this week’s Premium newsletter, he made a case for Cody Gakpo. I thought I’d share it here, because I’m feeling generous and I’d like you all to get a taste of why the Professor is one of the best to ever do it.

Here’s why Gakpo could be the best alternative to the injured Jesus.

• he started in Liverpool’s “full strength friendly” against Bayern Munich, and scored.

• Klopp has recently made comments about the importance of pressing, something that Gakpo is excellent at and Darwin is crap at. Check out this graphic courtesy of 11Hacks (it might require a zoom):

If you haven’t got your specs on, let me save you some trouble: Gakpo is the biggest thing to happen to pressing since the printing press.

It’s looking more and more likely that he’ll be Klopp’s preferred option over Darwin Nunez.

It was only a few weeks ago that we were singing Darwin’s praises but, guess what? We’re fickle. When the evidence changes, so do our opinions.

Fickleness wins leagues.

The Enshite-enment

There’s a moment every FPL manager experiences in the final week of pre-season. We call it The Enshite-enment: when your incessant tinkering has finally lead you into a cul-de-sac of indecision, from which there appears to be no escape.

This is a common, yet debilitating, phenomena. Luckily, there’s a cure. The LazyFPL newsletter.

Revisit this section when you inevitably reach this hallowed state (probably in the very early hours of Friday morning).

1. Haaland has earned the right to be in your Gameweek 1 team.

2. Beyer, Baldock and Kabore all look like decent £4.0m defenders who will start for their teams.

3. Elliot Anderson and Marvelous Nakamba are two functional £4.5m midfielders.

4. Prioritise the players who are the most likely to get lots of minutes.

5. Proven Premier League players are usually better than shiny new arrivals.

6. Remember: it’s a long old game. Gameweek 1 accounts for less than 3% of it.

Other stuff we found interesting

• This monstrous spreadsheet from Reddit user u/Romfrosk, documenting the stats of EVERY pre-season friendly. One for the purists, this.

• Gianluca Scamacca has joined Atalanta, making Divin Mubama’s chances of starting a little more likely.

• Rasmus Hojlund has joined Man United, but he’s not fit enough to play for a few weeks.

• Brighton’s new signing Joao Pedro (£5.5m FWD) took their last penalty, with other candidates (i.e. Pascal Gross) still on the pitch.

• 

You’ll next hear from us at 18:30 on Thursday, where we’ll be giving you a full briefing on everything you need to know to avoid stupidity 24h before the Gameweek 1 deadline.

We might even throw in the Professor’s Gameweek 1 draft.

Until then, stay lazy.

The LazyFPL team.